Umm...Thank God for Epidurals!

Check out this story - and keep in mind that my darling little soon-to-be-1-year-old is only about 17 lbs. Yikes!

Caught in the Act!

Last night our little guy woke up and caught us...watching TV! You should've seen the look on his face. It was like he was realizing there was this whole other world he wasn't privy to, but he wasn't quite sure why! There was Mommy and Daddy, watching TV and eating Chinese food - the world as he knew it would never be the same again....

To the Horrified Mom at the Restaurant

Rest assured. It was raspberry lemonade. I know it came in a tall, fancy glass and all - but it was lunchtime and I was alone with my kids. Sounds like the perfect time for some alcohol, but I promise you it wasn't. Just so you know, I've been breastfeeding and/or pregnant for what seems like forever, but is really only about 4 years. So yeah, a drink is in order. But not today.

Sincerely,
The equally-horrified mom who couldn't believe how you were shoveling food into your kid!

Mommy's Trip

Most Americans can tell you exactly where they were on Sept. 11, 2001. I am among them. I was in Prague, capital of the Czech Republic, teaching English. That day I taught as usual - Tuesday being my easiest day - then went with my roommate to drop off film and mail a few letters. I commented to her that it was amazing that those two things were the biggest events of our day. We'd been in the country only 2 short weeks.

I called a friend who was teaching in Hungary later in the afternoon. It was her birthday. When I wished her much happiness, she replied, "You don't have a TV, do you?". She was right. She proceeded to tell me what had occurred on the other side of the ocean. I was baffled.

The feeling spilled over into the next day, where I taught non-stop with only a quick break for lunch. My last class of the day was a group of 15 freshmen. This was to be my first class with them. They had been on a class trip, so this was our first meeting. I was a mess. I introduced myself, probably babbled some nonsense, then asked if they wanted to discuss the previous day's events. I think I took their silence as a yes, because I launched into a diatribe that lasted the entire class period. Poor kids. I'll never forget their wide-eyed expressions. Not because I'm an eloquent speaker. No, I was their first native-English speaking teacher. Ever.

Anyway, with that crazy start, we began our year. They quickly became my favorite class. Over time, I began to get to know a handful of them outside of the classroom. These five girls were the scarecrow in my own version of "The Wizard of Oz." [You know - "I think I'll miss you the most."]

Eight years later, I am still in contact with them. We've written letters and emails over the years. Sent photos and best wishes. I've seen them twice since then. The last time was when they graduated high school. Now, one of them is about to get married.

I broke the cardinal rules of weddings and invited myself. I couldn't help it. I was so excited to have an excuse to go back to that beautiful city and see these wonderful young women again. And so, it is with great excitement and anticipation, as well as some fear and trembling, that I look forward to a journey to Bohemia - BY MYSELF - at the beginning of October.

That's right. Baby girl will only have Daddy to soothe her. Little Man will have to make do without Mommy. Hubby will be on his own with two little ones for the better part of six days. And Mommy? She'll probably cry herself to Europe. But then, for the first time in more than a year - she'll sleep through the night.

Ahh. Heaven. I can't wait!

To the Mean Lady at IKEA

Dear Mean Lady,

You hit my kid. In the head. With a door.

In your rush to get to the bathroom 'in time,' you knocked over a 30-lb toddler who was minding his own business, waiting for Mommy to wash up.

Next time you go barrelling into a room, be sure there are no small children behind the door. Oh, and if there IS one, and you DO knock into him, please be sure to APOLOGIZE. It's only polite.

For good measure, if he's screaming and crying, and his mom is trying to calm him down on one side and holding a baby girl on the other side, do the mom a favor and OFFER SOME HELP! Even if it's only to go get someone else! Yeah, you asked if he was bleeding. And when I assured you he was not, you ran away, clearly glad there was no lawsuit in the wings.

You're mean. I just wanted you to know.

Sincerely,
The Quietly-Seething Mommy who now wishes she'd bitten your head off when she had the chance!

She's Back!

So, yeah. I DID fall off the face of the earth! And it was not a beautiful view. Oh well. I'm back on solid ground once again and have lots to share. Let me know what you want to hear about!

-Little Man's first train ride
-our gift upon returning home from vacation
-our family's new sport
-finding ancestors
-the milk challenge
-Mommy's trip
-car breakdown
-mean old lady at IKEA
-thoughts on Baby Girl turning one

Let me apologize for not being available for your chuckling pleasure. It must have been hard to head to this blog day after day, not knowing when I'd return, only to find...nothing new. Fear not! I will once again be filling your frivolous time with witty rants about the joys and guilts of motherhood. Til next time....