Our story is like no other...and every other. We met in college - dated for a little while, then decided to "just be friends." I thought it would go the way most other "friendships" go - slowly fading away into oblivion. But he wouldn't have it. He actually wanted to be friends! I thought it was strange - and it was definitely difficult - but through those college years, that's what we did. Okay, granted, there were a few kisses here and there, but come on!
We talked about getting married in 2000 - how it got to that point, I'm not really sure. Something about this guy who was always there - always a friend, no matter what. But our lives were headed in different directions. Literally. He went to the West Coast, I went to Europe. And it was in those different places that we realized we couldn't live without each other.
We were engaged in Prague and celebrated in Vienna - and I actually know other couples who have cool stories like that! Wedding planning took place across thousands of miles. And with virtually no money to our names. Thank God for loving parents!
Our 2002 wedding was beautiful - at least, that's what everyone told us at the time. We recently watched our video with our Little Man so he'd have an idea of what to do as a Ring Bearer - and I couldn't believe how young we were! Young and unabashedly in love.
We set up house in the biggest apartment our friends had ever seen. With low rent to boot! Then came unpacking and filling the empty rooms. So began the journey of turning two lives into one.
We found jobs and lots of friends. We got two cats when the apartment became home to a family of mice. At church we taught Sunday School and ran a Youth Group. Everything seemed stable and happy and going the way we'd planned.
Then we decided we wanted to live radically. We actually said those words out loud. So of course, they were meant to be challenged. Friends moved away. We took in a teenage foster daughter. We got pregnant. Our landlord decided to sell our house.
So away we went. Leaving family, friends, jobs, support. Baby was 4 months old. I had never seen the house we moved into. But we clung to each other and figured it would all work out.
Two years later, we have baby #2 and a whole new life. I can't believe we're here. But hubby asked the other day "Why does it matter where we are? I just want to be with you." Yeah. He actually said those words. Wicked cheesy. And totally sweet.
See, because no matter what else happens - another move, new job, baby #3 (dear God, no!) - I know that I will have the most amazing man by my side.
So here's to you, my love. Happy Anniversary #6. And even though statistically, American marriages last 7 years - I know this is far from our last happy year together. Because you wouldn't let it happen any other way.
October 25, 2008
6 Years...And Counting
October 20, 2008
Thoughts from the Dark Side
There are things you're not supposed to share...things you're not supposed to think. But no good confession comes without pain and regret.
I didn't want to be pregnant. I didn't want another baby - not right away. I thought it would be okay if something happened to "it" during those early weeks. Later, I honestly wondered if we should just give her up for adoption.
I felt totally out-of-control. I couldn't fathom how it would all work out. I think I had post-partum depression pre-partum. It was awful.
I would tell these things to my husband and cry, knowing how horrible it sounded. No good mom is supposed to think things like that.
3+ weeks in, I can't imagine giving her away. The thought of it brings tears to my eyes. And it's been hard. I still wonder how I'm going to do it. The balancing act of having two little ones boggles my mind. And some people have more!! The funny thing is, I know that someday, I will look back at pictures from this time and wish I could have some of these moments back.
So, "bless me Father, for I have sinned...". I didn't want my little girl. But now I'm so glad she's mine.
October 15, 2008
How Hard Could It Be?
Our little one has been having a difficult time with nursing. And of course, I'm feeling like a failure all over again. My little guy didn't quite figure out how to latch on until he was almost a week old. This sweet thing latched on right after birth and did wonderfully...in the hospital. Once we got home, she slowed way down, her weight plateaued, and she seemed to have trouble with her latch. I was devastated. After all, this is baby #2 - I should know a few things this time around!
Yesterday we went to a lactation consultant. I left feeling terribly overwhelmed. Loaded with information about food sensitivities, a therapy I couldn't pronounce, and dietary changes, I drove home wondering if I could truly give up dairy. The best part of the visit was learning that our little girl was tongue-tied. Easily-remedied, I was assured.
Today we went to the pediatrician. I left feeling sick to my stomach and wondering if I had just doomed my little girl to a life of speech issues or dental concerns. I was the one holding her tiny head while the doctor snipped the tongue-tie. I almost passed out. Blood I can handle. My not-quite-3-week-old screaming bloody murder, I could not.
So now I'm just shaky. In the long run, I think we made the right choice - but I hate having to be the one to make the choice.
While the poor thing slept, I got Big Brother ready for his nap. As I changed his diaper I realized that it has been a very long time since I worried about every meal he ate (or didn't), every one of his diaper's contents, every funny sound and strange reaction he made. I guess somehow, we all make it through. Moms and kids alike. I guess I just figured it would be easier the second time around. Silly me.
October 9, 2008
I'm in Love...with a Little Pink Bundle
She'll be two weeks old tomorrow and life around here has definitely changed pace. It's amazing how quickly such a tiny person can settle themselves into your heart and totally change your life. I didn't want to be pregnant - I didn't want a girl. But now she's here and we're absolutely in love.
Unfortunately, there are times when I feel that it's a distracted love. With two little ones underfoot (or, in arms), I'm already feeling spread thin. And Daddy hasn't even gone back to work yet! I miss Munchkin A and wonder if I'll ever be a good Mommy to him again. Munchkin B has us worried about thrush and reflux and sleeping too much (be careful what you wish for!). These early days are long and tiring, and I know it'll get easier with time...but it's hard not to miss what once was. The days I could plan to a T what was going to happen and where we'd go. The days I could put on a shirt and know it would stay relatively clean til I took it off at night. The days I could wear a normal bra! Sometimes life with baby feels like we're living with a ticking time bomb. A cute time bomb, but a bomb nonetheless.
And I'm amazed at how often my pronouns are wrong. I know she's a girl - but in my thoughts, it's he and his and him. Very strange. Classic example - Mommy: Are you okay little one? Sleepy Daddy: Yeah. Mommy: Not you - him!
We obviously have some adjustments to make.
And then there's the cruelest trick of nature. [Be forewarned conservative readers - brazen comments to follow!] I now have, if not my husband's fantasy breasts, at least mine! The ones I could only dream about when I was 13. Heck - when I was 25! And yet - here's the thing, they hurt! Full and sore and cracked (that's the thrush) - I can walk around shirtless, but my poor husband is powerless to react. Not to worry - nursing only lasts a year!
[Back to our regularly scheduled broadcast] So our lives have changed forever, and most of the time, we're extremely thankful. Exhausted, but thankful. She's here, she's healthy, and she's asleep. What more could we ask for?
