Dear Baby #1,
When I found out I was pregnant with you, I cried. I was so happy I started journaling right away. I read updates on your development every week and was fascinated by the whole experience. Daddy took a little longer to warm up to the whole idea, but that's his story to tell. When you first started moving, I was thrilled. When I could finally wear maternity clothes, I was on cloud nine. Then we had our ultrasound. I just knew you were a girl! I'd dress you up all cutesy and do your hair, you'd tell me everything and would be a friend when you were grown. It was going to be wonderful.
I was in complete shock when they told us you were a boy. All I could think was "He. Him. His. His toys. His clothes. His friends. What do you do with a 12-year-old boy? They're ALL weird!" As soon as we were done, I made Daddy take me to Babies-R-Us so I could make sure they actually sold cute boy clothes.
Now that you're here, we think you're amazing. Which is why I need to apologize. All these wonderful days of cuddling and snuggling, of Mommy's undivided attention - they're about to come to an abrupt end. You know about your little sister and you're very sweet about kissing my belly and trying to give it a bottle. But Little Man, this baby will be here to stay.
All that great one-on-one time we have will be reduced greatly. You'll be relegated to the big brother role with lots of "share!", "you need to help your sister", and "the oldest sets the example." That was always my favorite. You'll be our guinea pig and we'll make sure we don't repeat our mistakes with your sister. You'll go to bed earlier, have to come home sooner, and be restricted in more ways that you can count. All because someone else came along.
I know how being the firstborn will shape you, will anger and frustrate you. I know having a little sister around who wants all your toys (and time too) will make you scream. I think it's because we're all supposed to learn that we're not the center of the universe. But it still makes me sad for you.
I hope you don't feel forgotten or left out. I hope you will always know how special and adored you are. I hope you never question Mommy's feelings for you. Because no matter what, I love you. You made me a Mom. And for that, I am thankful.
August 8, 2008
To My Little Man: An Apology
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6 confessions & pardons:
exactly how i feel about having more than one child. and exactly how i feel about being the older sibling, too.
those are the sweetest two letters!
Here's a hopeful thought...
my bratty little brother that I tried to sell to houseguests whenever possible has become one of my closest friends...
...that second child that my grandmother had was the little baby sister that my mom thought was her very own living baby doll...
... Thom's mom and my friend Kara never had a little baby brother or sister. They both grew up with their parents' undivided attention. And now, later in life, they find themselves making "adopted" brothers and sisters out of friends. And, for Thom's mom, facing the process of managing an aging parent and their eventual passing entirely alone.
Your little man doesn't just lose your undivided attention and gain a pesky little sister who changes his world. He gains a friend and partner for life who will (unless you have any more children) be the only other person who "gets" what life at your house is really like. They have the potential to share a bond that is unlike any other. And that's not something to apologize for, that's the gift that you give Isaac.
Just remember there is a bright side, even if it takes the kids 20 years to see it!
Part of finding out we were pregnant again meant finding out that our little guy was going to have to be a big boy - before Mommy was ready! I cried for him and all the losses he'd face. And then I cried for her when I thought about how she'd never get two years of time alone with her parents. But ultimately, I know that this will be amazing for them. I love having siblings. I didn't always, but I do now. And I want that for my kids. Friendship and love and all those crazy shared memories. The eye-rolling at Daddy's jokes told a thousand times over, and the "Mo-om!" said in unison. It should be a blast.
I have no other possibility than agree - having sibling(s) is great. Older or younger, being in both positions have its own + and - , but that's just the way it goes, you can't choose. Speaking from the position of the older one that always had to be the responsible and reasonable - yep, it's no fun sometimes, having to be an example for the younger annoying kid (but you know that too). But after some years it feels good, we're having fun now (most of the time)!
Isaac always sounds like a smart young boy so I'm sure he will cope with it. And loving and caring parents that you both certainly are will help in that matter as well. :)
...and he will be a fabulous older brother! He will be able to protect her, pave the way for her, and be her friend. An older brother is a wonderful thing for a little girl.
Can you tell I always wanted a brother? Not that I don't love my sister (whom I love dearly), but there's something special about a brother.
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